Regret
by NikkiB1973
Summary: This is set in season 2 in episode 9. Clarke's last words to Bellamy haunted her. "Good luck." She had said before walking away. What if those were the last words she ever spoke to him?


**Regret **

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to their respective owners.

_**A/N-set in season 2 episode 9, Remember Me...**_

Clarke couldn't look Bellamy in the eyes. She averted her gaze as she told him to go.

"I thought you said the plan was too dangerous, that I could get myself killed." His deep voice showed his hurt at her sudden change of heart about sending him to Mount Weather.

"I was being weak." Clarke kept her voice steady as she still avoided looking directly at him. She knew if she did, her cool exterior would unravel. She couldn't show how much this was killing her. No, she had to remain strong and focused on the main goal. She had let her guard down with Finn, and his death by her own hand, had shown her that in this place, if she were to lead her people to survival, love would never be possible. Not for her, not anymore.

"I see." Bellamy was doing a bad job of hiding his own emotions. Raven, who was standing beside him, could see the bewilderment crossing his face. She didn't say anything however. It wasn't her place and relations between her and Clarke were still very frosty.

Clarke nodded her head slightly at him. "Well good luck." She said firmly, jutting her chin out determinedly as she did so. She spoke no more but just walked away, leaving Bellamy and Raven staring after her.

* * *

><p>The night drew in and Clarke was sleeping on one of the camp beds. She moaned faintly in her sleep as she dreamed about Finn's death. She was reliving it all over again. His face as she stuck the knife in his stomach would haunt her forever. His head had fallen onto her shoulder, his hair spilling around him, some of the strands brushing softly on her cheek as he whispered <em>Thank you Princess...<em>She had saved him a horrific death, but in doing so she would forever have his blood on her hands. Clarke shifted around as a lone tear rolled down her cheek from under her closed lids. Finn and the Grounder Camp disappeared and she was now walking next to Bellamy as he told her she did what she had to do. He then spoke to her about his insane plan to break into Mount Weather in a bid to be the inside man so he could help their people escape.

Clarke remembered her horror at this idea and her immediate rebuttal. Bellamy hadn't seemed surprised at her refusal to let him leave, but when he had demanded why, his face definitely showed his shock at her answer. _'I can't lose you too.'_ After this he had not mentioned it again, but after her talk with Lexa, and the revelation that the young Grounder leader had lost her own love through violent circumstances, it had shown Clarke that she had to remain cool headed. She couldn't allow any feelings she might have to stop her from rescuing the others still help captive with the Mountain men.

This did not stop her nightmare. She saw Bellamy being captured and violently beaten as he was then placed in a small cage, ready to be used just like the others, his blood stolen from his body to be used to heal the mountain dwellers sickness. She saw his face pressed against the cold metal bars of the cage as he shook at it with his hands, trying to break free. But there was no one to help, there was no one to hear...

Clarke woke up suddenly, a small scream leaving her lips and cold sweat coating her body.

"It was a dream, a stupid dream." She mumbled to herself.

She got up and stumbled over to the water butt. She poured some water into a cup and drank it greedily. It assuaged her thirst but did little to soothe her fears. The image of Bellamy locked in the cage wouldn't leave her mind. Clarke dropped the cup on the ground as she began to shake. She couldn't do this. She couldn't remain unfeeling. It was too hard and wasn't who she was. Her cold goodbye to Bellamy made her feel sick._ Good luck, _she had said unfeelingly. She could only imagine the look on his face at those inane words. He was risking his life to save others and that was all she could say. He must hate her. The barriers that Clarke had built up around her heart began to break down and she felt it hammer painfully in her chest.

She had to speak to him. She needed to find Bellamy and tell him what she was really feeling. Clarke hoped she wasn't too late. She ran out into the open air, her breath fogged in front of her as she stared around, trying to catch sight of him. There were a few people milling about, guards and others who were having as much trouble sleeping as she had. Clarke spotted her mother and Kane talking to each other in the distance, but she ignored them and headed in the opposite direction as she hunted around for Bellamy. Where the hell was he?

Clarke had covered most of the camp but to no avail. He had to have left already. Her heart became heavy in her chest as she took one last look around. As she headed back toward the centre of the camp she bumped into Octavia. Bellamy's sister glared at her, her face mutinous. Clarke could only guess the turmoil that Octavia was feeling. She was not only worried about her sibling but Lincoln as well. Bellamy wasn't travelling alone. The Grounder was going with him in an attempt to rescue his own people.

"When did they leave?" Clarke choked out.

"Like you care?" Octavia said bitterly.

"I do care." Clarke yelled at her suddenly. A tidal wave of emotion washed over her and she grabbed hold of Octavia and shook her. "When did they leave?"

"Ten minutes ago." Octavia was stunned by Clarke's reaction.

"I have to find them." Clarke's face was stark white with panic. "I need to get out of here unnoticed."

Octavia frowned before taking hold of her hand. "Follow me." She put a finger to her lips. Lincoln had taught her well. Octavia crept along as silently as a cat. She melted into the darkness, pulling Clarke along with her.

* * *

><p>Bellamy hauled his pack higher on his shoulder. His face was grim and he hadn't spoken one word to Lincoln since they had left camp. The Grounder glanced at him occasionally. There was obviously something bothering Octavia's brother but he wasn't interested enough to care. He and Bellamy tolerated each other and that was all. They strode along in silence, the sounds of the local wildlife echoed all around them. Lincoln was used to it, but Bellamy would startle suddenly at an unusual sound or the snap of a twig underfoot.<p>

"If you keep jumping like that we'll be caught before we are within a mile of the Mountain men." Lincoln said testily.

Bellamy stopped and dropped his pack on the ground. "Let's get one thing straight. This wasn't my idea for you to tag along. I was supposed to..."

Lincoln became still as he put a finger to his lips and stared into the night. Bellamy clamped his mouth shut and tried to see what the Grounder had, but all he could see were the trees and the stars above. He was about to say more when Lincoln darted off into the trees. There was a small scuffle and a female's cry. Bellamy started forward but halted again when Lincoln reappeared with Octavia and Clarke in tow.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bellamy snapped at both girls, though he was looking directly at Clarke when he spoke. He couldn't explain why he was both pissed and pleased that she was standing in front of him. He remembered feeling angry that she hadn't at least turned up to say goodbye, and then he became more angry at himself for caring.

Octavia smirked at him as she took Lincoln's hand and led him away a little so they could have some privacy. "Blondie wanted to talk." She laughed as two spots of red coated Clarke's cheeks.

Bellamy arched one eyebrow as he waited for Clarke to speak. She seemed dumbfounded now that he was in front of her. The stoical look she had been wearing when he last spoke to her was missing and she seemed anxious, an air of panic swarmed around her and it began to infect him. "What is it? Talk to me." He demanded.

Clarke opened and closed her mouth. The right words wouldn't come. She stared at him, her blue eyes trying to say what she couldn't. She could see that he didn't understand what she was doing, and why would he? She had treated him so coldly. Clarke's hands clenched into fists as she suddenly hit out at him. Bellamy stepped back, stunned by her sudden anger.

"You should have told me you were leaving." She hissed at him.

"You knew I was leaving." He retorted as he caught her hand in his before she could lash out again.

"Not the time. I was resting." Clarke muttered.

"You made yourself clear when we spoke last." Bellamy's voice was bitter as he dropped her hand and picked up his pack. "I need to keep moving."

"Stop. Just wait..." Clarke bit her bottom lip until it bled.

Bellamy watched her curiously. He could see the war waging within her. "What am I waiting for?" This time his voice was softer.

"Dammit you know." Clarke cried out. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"No, princess. You don't." Bellamy replied quietly.

They kept staring at each other for a long moment. It seemed an eternity. A stray tear rolled down Clarke's face as she reached out and took his hand. "I can't lose you too." Clarke echoed her words from earlier. "I mean it, Bellamy Blake. I can't lose you too."

_**A/N-thanks for reading! **_


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